Mars Louis Fuller
Today (29/11/21) my grandson would be 5 months old, smiling, giggling, cheekily taking everything in, if he was with us. The sadness sits heavily in my heart. I try to take comfort thinking of his gentle soul is somewhere in the universe watching over us.
June 29, 2021, our youngest son and his beautiful wife were due to have their first baby. They had waited 10 years to start a family and we were all very excited. The pregnancy had been uncomplicated and everything was going well. The checkup at 38 weeks indicated all in good health and the baby and placenta in a good position.
I don't have the words to describe the shock and grief that engulfed us all. It was like a tsunami hitting. I just wanted to shield my son and daughter-in-law from all the pain and grief that I knew would be endless.
Surely there was a mistake!
As a grandmother and mother I have had enough life experience to know pregnancies and births are not always straightforward, but a stillbirth for some reason, I had not ever considered. Perhaps it is just too tragic to contemplate.
My son and daughter-in-law went home and spent the next 48 hours preparing for the birth of their beautiful silent baby. Their strength, courage, generosity of spirit and strong love is an inspiration to us all and helped us all to cope.
Here is a letter I wrote to our dear little grandson soon after his birth which gives the story of his few days with us.
Two months after Mars was born we shared a beautiful family Mars' celebration. A wonderful picnic near a National Park with all of Mars' cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents and of course his most precious Mum and Dad.
We walked and talked, cried and laughed and the children (all his cousins) drew pictures and played games.
We played music, including a most beautiful song that Mars' Dad had written for him while they had been in the hospital. Toward the end of the day, we wrote messages to Mars on balloons and released them into the sky.
It was very emotional for all of us. It was our way of honouring Mars – a beautiful day full of love, joy, sadness and hope. And although the sadness remains, so does the love and we know he will always be with us.
Story written by Andrea Fuller, Grandmother to Mars Louis Fuller.